Slippage, and Recovery

Yesterday morning, I was feeling pretty good. My illness is gone. The last couple of days at work had been good. But I had this sense of disquiet...unease...sadness. Something wasn't right.

Around lunchtime, I was supposed to go get some exercise. A fast walk through the neighborhood near my office. Instead, I surfed the web, looking for peace through distraction instead of where I'd really find it (outdoors, doing something good for myself). I couldn't find the motivatation.

Last night, we joined some of the other parents from my younger daughter's Girl Scout troop at a local pizza place for dinner. All you can eat night. The company was great, the conversation fun and interesting. But before I'd really thought about it I'd eaten way more than I should have (see below).

When we got home, I was feeling tired and sluggish. My waistline was tight. That old familiar heaviness was returning. I looked over my food log for the past week...

I think what happened was this. First, it's been a busy, busy week. The lead up to our daughter's First Communion was a lot of work in a short amount of time. The conference at work was great, but left my day job responsibilities to pile up. So stress was up. Second, the good news from my doctor, despite my commitment to stay focused on my goals, took some of the urgency out of my health situation. Third, I was getting a little tired of the life changes, especially feeling like I have to watch everything I eat. The result? Not so good. I've put a couple of pounds back on. Maybe that's just the natural side effect of coming off an illness, but it didn't feel good. My energy was low, and my motivation was slipping.

I went to bed thinking this over, feeling depressed. I couldn't face posting my daily update. I felt like I'd let myself down and, by proxy, you readers out there.

The good news is that I noticed this now.

So early this morning I re-read my early blog postings. I went for a good long walk in my neighborhood, chill music on my iPod, and I thought hard about what I was doing all this for in the first place. I remembered how good it felt to be getting healthier. And how good it felt to be making choices around what I needed, not what work needed. I realized that, as important as staying away from Diabetes and heart problems is, I won't stay motivated if I'm changing out of fear. Especially now that the fear is less immediate.

I need to focus on the benefits. The wellness I feel when I'm exercising regularly. The extra energy I have to play with my kids. The peace I can maintain more easily when I'm doing the right things to manage my stress (yoga, exercise, eating great food, getting lots of sleep, keeping up on my responsibilities, giving my family a good Dad and Husband). Being there, to see our children get married, and to play with our grandchildren. Being there, to do all those things in retirement that we don't have time for now.

Things are looking up again. Another walk in on the schedule for tomorrow morning, and I've got Ashtanga Yoga in the afternoon. I'm looking forward to it all, and that alone is a big, important difference.

Food log (today):

Breakfast: a cup of granola, 1/2 1% milk, one banana.

Lunch: collard greens, a small pork chop (about 3oz), half an orange.

Snack: half an orange, two squares of dark chocolate (Shoot! Need to get down to one a day, or less)

Dinner: one enchilada - corn tortilla, filled with boiled chicken and cheese, topped with a green tomatillo sauce and a little more cheese. Also sauteed assorted summer squash (from the farmer's market), carrots (from our CSA) and sweet onions (from our garden...the first onion harvest of the season!). And, guess what...our daughters both liked the onions. My wife really, really dislikes all onions, so this was something of a grand experiment.

Food log (yesterday):

Breakfast: a banana and an apple, dressed with a little yoghurt and granola. 1/4 of an orange.

Lunch: half a turkey-and-havarti sandwich, boiled collards, some rice

Dinner: five small pieces of Moutain Mike's pizza, 2c Caesar salad

Snacks: an apple, four whole grain crackers, two squares of dark chocolate